Harmonious Discourse
by The Reel Lifer
Summary: Three Mulletverse snippets combined and interwoven to create one huge thing. Bug and Oracle talk. Junior, Max, and the Teen Titans have an orgy and yet there is no underage sex. Beetle and Booster go flying. A fun time is had by all. SLASH, HET.


**Title:** Harmonious Discourse  
**Fandom:** Justice League  
**Characters:** Booster/Beetle, Barbara, Bug/Skeets, Max, Teen Titans, Mia/Raven, Kon/Cassie, Tim/Bart/Kon/Cassie/Max/Junior (OMC)  
**Prompt:** "Who?"  
**Word Count:** 3417!  
**Rating:** NC-17  
**Author's Notes:** Three-ish stories for the price of one! If they were separate, I might have called them _Parental Protocol_, _One Night At Titans Tower_, and _Fly Me_. But they're not so instead of three dork names you just get one dork name. (It amuses me.)  
As you may have guessed by taking a look at the pairing list, this includes something of an orgy. I can only say that it was a dare and it's not what you think. (No really!)  
This takes place immediately after the events of _Discordant Hormoney_ and is a part of the "Mullet-verse." It is also part of my "fanfic100" list, which is a thing on LiveJournal where you sign up for a fandom and characters and then write a hundred stories with the list of prompts.  
Previous Mullet-verse stories, in order, are: _Hairy Situations and Situational Hair_, _Midst of Rough Earthliness_, and _Discordant Hormoney_. I suggest you read those (and especially DH) before reading this, or you'll probably be pretty lost as to what the heck's going on in this.  
--------------- 

**Harmonious Discourse**

"Good job," Barbara murmured into her mic, then leaned back and closed her eyes. A very good job, she reflected, smiling.

A sudden sound from her computer indicated someone was sending her an instant message. Opening her eyes, she saw a very simple message from user "CimoSmith."

**hello**

Frowning thoughtfully at the message for a moment, Barbara shrugged and responded.

**Hello.**

**Oracle?**

**Who is this?**

**I am  
Bug**

Barbara's frown deepened, but before she could reply the mystery user spoke again.

**I need  
help/advice?**

After a moment of staring at the words, Barbara sighed. "Okay," she muttered, once again reaching for the keyboard.

**What seems to be the problem? I'll see what I can do.**

**thank you.  
I will  
be there shortly**

"What?" Barbara murmured, squinting at the words as a tendril of worry snaked through her. "_Be_ here? What are--"

A sudden noise interrupted her. It was quiet, but nevertheless seemed loud. It came from her simulation room.

Staring at the door, Barbara quickly set a distress call to transmit immediately on a specific voice command and made sure her escrima sticks were within easy reach. Wheeling herself closer, she called out, "Hello?"

There was a muffled response from inside, but no indication that anyone or anything was coming out. With a resigned sigh, Barbara cautiously reached out to open the door, free hand on an escrima stick and the voice command on her tongue.

The lights were on, bright, and illuminating a short brunette woman. Her wardrobe consisted entirely of shades of blue, except for a pair of opaque yellow glasses that gave her a slightly bug-eyed appearance, and she had a faintly bluish tint.

She was a hologram.

"Hello," she said, tilting her head and smiling. Her voice sounded vaguely familiar, and synthesized. "I am...Bug. You are...Oracle?"

Barbara was about to deny the oddly stilted speech when Bug suddenly straightened her head and widened her smile. "Yes. I...remember."

"Remember?"

"Yes. You...said I was. Cool." Bug beamed at her. "I...could not say. At the time. I...admire your design...as well." She tilted her head down. "Wheeled mobility. Very...efficient."

Barbara stared at her. "Who _are_ you?"

"I am...Bug." The woman looked confused.

"But how do you know me?"

Bug's face cleared and she smiled again. "My...father. You are...friends?"

Quickly running through a list of her friends and any reference to a "Bug," Barbara's eyes widened as she came to a possibility. "I don't believe it. ...Ted?"

"Yes!" Bug chirped happily. "My...father. I am...Bug."

"You're _sentient_?" Barbara breathed.

"Yes."

"So why did you come to me?"

Bug cocked her head. "Tech support?"

"You have a problem?" Barbara asked. "Something's wrong with you?"

"Yes. No." Bug pursed her lips thoughtfully. "I will...explain." She spread her hands. "Recently...I initiated protocol: Marriage."

The image of a golden robot bug appeared at her side, floating about two feet from her head. Glancing at it, her expression was adoring.

"Skeets?" Barbara asked, recognizing it.

Bug smiled at her, pleased. "Yes. We...initiated protocol: Adopt." Between her and Skeets appeared the image of a teenage boy with brown hair and silvery skin. "Max. Our...son. To...protect...and love."

"Max as in..."

"Maxwell Lord. Formerly...'Zombie Max'." Bug frowned. "An...error. Caused by...flawed Protect Max Protocol."

On her other side appeared a flat image of a stylized eye with a small red pupil. "My...nanite donor," Bug said with disdain. "Flaws. Errors. Corrupt data. Caused...fatal error in Max. Corrupted memory files. Corrupted...personality. Corrupted _Max_."

The eye exploded into rapidly dissolving pixels as Bug glared at it.

"Wait," Barbara said, holding up a hand. "You're saying Brother I...somehow corrupted Max? Influenced his actions?"

"Yes," Bug said quietly, placing a protective hand on the holographic Max's shoulder. She smiled at him. "I will...not let it happen...again. Initiated protocol: Protect Max two-point-oh. Initiated protocol: _Love_ Max." Dropping her hand, she turned to Barbara with a confused look on her face. "Error initiating protocol: Raise Max. Insufficient data."

Eyebrows rising in disbelief, Barbara asked, "You want _parenting_ advice?"

Bug brightened, smiling at her. "Yes!" As she got to her knees, her clothing melted into a filmy white dress that would have looked right at home on an ancient priestess. Her glasses remained. Prostrate before Barbara, she said, "I beseech...all-knowing. All-seeing...Oracle. I offer sacrifice of...cookies?"

Staring at the holographic woman for a moment, Barbara raised a hand to her mouth as she chuckled. "I take it back," she said. "You're his daughter." When Bug looked up to smile at her, Barbara leaned back and motioned her up.

"You will...help?" Bug asked, dress melting back to her multi-blued ensemble as she rose to her feet.

"Parenting isn't really my specialty," Barbara admitted, frowning thoughtfully. As Bug looked down with disappointment, she quickly added, "But I'll do what I can to help."

Bug beamed at her, and now that she thought of it Barbara could actually see the resemblance to Ted. The AI woman must have based her image on him. It was both strange and endearing.

"What are you having trouble with?"

"...Relating?"

---------------

He'd never had a sleepover before. Granted that was probably because he'd only been alive for a little over a month and hadn't made much in the way of friends his own age. But that didn't diminish how special and entirely cool it was to spend the night with the Teen Titans.

They had all dragged sleeping bags and pillows and blankets into the commonroom and Junior had been introduced to both real life teen interaction _and_ nostalgia. They apparently hadn't had a night like this in quite some time.

There had been movies, and popcorn (and now he finally understood what Crazy Bob from the park had been talking about), and popcorn fights, and gossip, and also playing with hair but Kon had assured him that part was girls only. The fact that Bart sat in place, thrumming with suppressed speed, while Cassie did something complicated with a ribbon in his hair was a distinction Kon didn't seem able or willing to explain.

Later the lights were dimmed and everyone settled down and the talking began. Not gossip, but real talk. That seemed to be another nostalgia thing, though Junior didn't really think it had anything to do with what they were talking about. Maybe it was just the talking itself.

There hadn't been much in the way of "normal" childhood in the group, so Junior fit right in in that regard. Which was nice, because as much TV as he had watched, there hadn't been much on magically-created teenagers with two dads. Max thought that was a shame, because there was probably a market for it.

The girls agreed, and Bart probably had too but the girls had also started speculating about Booster and Beetle and Junior had covered his ears with his hands and started humming. Kon seemed to think that was funny, but in a "laughing _with_ you, not _at_ you" way, so it was okay. Junior was glad Kon was his weird birth big brother mentor thing.

Once they had convinced Junior, through hand gestures and tugging at his arms, that they were through talking about his dads' sex life, they got to talking about the old days. Past adventures, wacky shenanigans, lost friends. Robin knew a lot of stories about Blue Beetle, and Junior listened eagerly.

There was only so much he could learn from fire- and water-damaged newspaper clippings. Hearing about his dad's past superheroing from someone who had lived while it was happening was...fascinating.

Even Max seemed to be enjoying himself, despite having to get used to a new, unfamiliar body and time. Still, he seemed to be making the best of it. He was planning a pitch to convince Skeets ("It's just so _weird_ thinking it--_he's_ my father now. It's...trippy.") that they should start a toy line based on his bug body.

Eventually things wound down to yawns and quiet murmurs and Junior laid his chin on his crossed arms, half-closed eyes observing his new friends in the dark. Some day, he really hoped he could work with them.

He drifted off a little to that pleasant thought, until he felt a hand on his leg. It was under the blanket and slowly making its way up from his knee to the Flash boxer shorts he had borrowed to sleep in.

Glancing over his shoulder in confusion, Junior could just make out Robin sitting next to him. His arm disappeared under Junior's blanket.

There was a sound on his other side and he glanced over to see Cassie laying on top of Kon. They were kissing and Kon had a hand under her pajama shirt. From the sounds she was making, Cassie was very happy about where Kon's hand was.

A whoosh of displaced air had Junior looking back at Robin, where Bart had an arm wrapped around him from behind and was nuzzling the side of his head. Robin's focus seemed to be entirely on Kon and Cassie, though he tilted his head when Bart's tongue darted out at his ear. And his hand was still moving upward under the blanket.

"Hey guys, what's--Oh wow." Mia's sleep-muddled voice cleared. "That's _hot_."

"Yes," Raven agreed quietly. "It is."

"What--_Oh._"

A glance in their direction confirmed the suspicion that the sounds Mia was making were being caused by Raven. Specifically, by Raven's hand in Mia's lap and her lips on Mia's throat.

"Turn over," Robin's voice interrupted his thoughts, and he did so before his brain caught up and thought to question _why_. Robin was good at that.

Then the Flash boxers were being tugged down and...it _really_ made sense to lift his hips a little to help get them off. Like, logical sense. And if he wasn't sure what that logical sense was, he could just ask Robin later, because Robin was good at logic and now there was a _hand_ right _there_ and the gasp was his.

Junior knew, intellectually, that sex existed. It involved kissing and touching and was something he never wanted to think about with regards to his dads. But beyond that and the fact that it was important to the making of babies, he didn't have much to go on. He still hadn't managed to unscramble the channels that were interestingly skin-colored and sometimes moaned staticly and seemed to be scrambled very _purposefully_.

Now, he was definitely getting the feeling that he was in a situation where sex was involved.

Kon and Cassie were still kissing, as well as moving against each other in fascinating ways, and Cassie's shirt was off and so was Kon's. He'd accidentally seen Cassie's chest earlier when a bathroom mix-up had him walking in on her changing into her pajamas, but that had been brief and loud with apologies. Now it was different. Now those barely-glimpsed boobs were pressed against Kon's broad chest and being stroked by Kon's big hands.

And then Kon's eyes were on him and he was smirking a little, but like he was sharing a secret. "He likes to watch," he said, eyes flicking toward Robin.

"It's all that surveillance," Bart said cheerfully from over Robin's shoulder. "Drives 'em batty."

Then Robin was reaching up to grab a handful of Bart's hair and turning his head to press their lips together in a hard kiss. Bart sort of shivered all over and suddenly was sitting on Robin's lap, moaning rapidly into the kiss. And Robin's hand _kept moving_.

Clearly this was some sort of multi-tasking Bat skill.

Junior _really_ wanted to learn to multi-task the Bat way. But only if Robin taught him. Because thinking about Batman right now was seriously creepy, but there was another hand on his chest now and when he looked over it was Kon's.

Laying on his side, Kon gently stroked a hand under the very S-shirt he had loaned Junior to sleep in. He grinned down at him and his teeth almost seemed to glow. Cassie was behind him, chin resting on Kon's shoulder as she lazily stroked his arm. "He _is_ cute," she murmured.

"Yeah," Bart agreed, then leaned over backwards to plant a messy kiss on Kon's lips. As he moved to sit up again though, Cassie grabbed his chin and kissed him too.

Kon's hand moved down to lace his fingers with Robin's and they were both stroking and that was just...wow. And somewhere over his head Mia seemed to be reading his mind because she was _saying_ "wow," though it might have been "whoa" or just plain "oh" and Raven was making quiet pleased sounds.

"You gonna get naked any time soon?" Kon asked Robin, raising an eyebrow with a smirk.

"Maybe later," Robin murmured, licking his lips. Leaning over, he nipped at Kon's lips, then plunged his tongue into the teen's mouth in a deep kiss.

Cassie finally let Bart go and, smiling, brushed Junior's hair from his forehead and dropped her lips to his. It was...everything a kiss should be. It was _wonderful_. And he briefly wondered if it was some weird genetic thing, because he remembered hearing something about his dad and Wonder Woman, but then he decided against thinking because Bart was mouthing wet kisses on his torso and his hand was _vibrating_ on Junior's hip and Cassie, freaking _Wonder Girl_, was still kissing him.

Then there was an odd glow against his eyelids, which was when Junior realized his eyes were closed, and when he opened them he could see Max. Facial expressions were still a little odd on Max, but he was pretty sure the one there now was an amused smirk.

"What am I, chopped liver?" the metallic boy muttered before licking Junior's ear. It was a little odd because of the metal but still strangely soft. And then there was more strangely soft metal feel skimming down his side and...it felt oddly like an octopus tentacle probably did, only without the suckers and slime, and he hadn't even thought of it before but Max could probably change his shape some, in fact now he remembered seeing him do so during some of Cyborg's tests.

And Bart was licking down his stomach toward Kon's and Robin's hands and Cassie was _still kissing him_ and her tongue was in her mouth and Max's was in his ear and--

Hey, wasn't Max like his nephew or something?

Junior gasped as he sat up abruptly, then stared around him in confusion as he tried to get his breathing under control.

The room was dark and everyone, except him apparently, was asleep.

"Whoa," Junior breathed.

"Huh?" Kon mumbled sleepily from somewhere next to him.

"I think puberty finally kicked in," Junior muttered. And _how_. There were very interesting things going on in his body, though they seemed to be calming down in the face of uncertain family relations.

"What?" Kon asked muzzily.

"...Nothing." He might not know much, but it was probably a bad idea to tell your big brother mentor thing that you thought the idea of him and his girlfriend making out was hot. Or him and his two best friends. Or him, his two best friends, his girlfriend, yourself, and a partridge in a freakin' pear tree. Holy _cow_. "Just a dream."

Kon mmrphed and rolled over, asleep again.

Laying back down, Junior tried to focus on something outside his body. He got the feeling that if he went back to the dream, he would have to explain the state of the Flash boxers to Bart and he really didn't want to.

For a while he listened to the soothing sounds of steady breathing and quiet snores. Then Max muttered, "Congratulations."

Junior's eyes widened in the dark, then squeezed shut as a wry grin spread across his lips. "Shut up, Max."

Max just snickered.

---------------

"Humans relate...better. To similar...forms," Bug said, motioning to her own false form. "Max was...human. _Thinks_...human. I...don't."

"Sounds a little like a culture difference," Barbara murmured. "He speaks English outside the house and when he comes home you're speaking binary."

"Analogy?"

Barbara smiled. "Yes."

"Ah." Bug cocked her head thoughtfully, then nodded. "Yes. We...share nanites. But. Different _minds_." She frowned. "I...will not. Invade his mind. That way leads...errors. Flaws. Corrupt data."

"Madness?"

Bug bowed her head slightly. "Yes."

Barbara sighed and rested her chin on a hand. "Have you tried talking to Ted?"

"About...parenting?"

"Yeah."

Bug tilted her head and smiled wryly. "Oracle," she said pointedly.

Returning the smile, Barbara shook her head. "Forget I asked."

Ted had enough to worry about.

---------------

"Stop worrying, Ted," Booster murmured in his ear. "Open your eyes, I've got you."

Letting out a deep breath, Ted did so and stared out at the night sky.

It was full of stars.

"Did we ever...do this just for fun?" he asked quietly. The sounds of the city were muffled and far below them, and everything seemed hushed.

"Does the time we stole J'onn's cookies count?"

Ted smiled, remembering it. "That _was_ fun," he admitted. "But...not exactly...like this."

"Nothing like this," Booster agreed, kissing his cheek.

"...Seems like a lifetime ago."

"Um..."

Ted snorted. "Shut up, Booster."

Chuckling, Booster squeezed his arms around Ted and flew a little higher. Ted wrapped his legs around Booster's waist and laid his head on the man's shoulder.

"Want to go fly around the buildings?" Booster asked, grinning.

Lifting his head to look at him, Ted slowly lowered his lips to Booster's. "No...this is good," he whispered.

"Yeah," Booster breathed. "Good. ...I was worried I'd have to start reading Tolstoy to get in your pants."

"You'd do that for me?"

Booster groaned softly. "I will _now_. I just hope you don't expect me to read it in the original Russian."

"No, but can I pretend?"

Shaking his head wryly, Booster adjusted his grip. To Ted's ass. "Fine, but one of these days I want to do something with a normal fantasy."

"Sure thing." Ted smirked at him. "You still have that Wonder Woman costume?"

Booster stared at him for a moment, then burst out laughing. "You kinky sonuvagun, Ted."

"I was serious."

Booster stopped laughing. "Wha?"

Stroking his fingers up and down the back of Booster's neck, Ted stared at him intently. Booster shivered.

"Um," he said.

Ted leaned forward and kissed him again, a hand carding up through Booster's hair. He grimaced and murmured against Booster's lips. "We'll discuss this again after you wash the dye out."

"_Ted._" Booster groaned.

"It feels weird!" Ted protested, reaching up to brush the black hair back from Booster's forehead. "It's...not as soft. I liked your hair before."

"Wait, before as in..."

"Yes," Ted sighed. "I'm learning a lot about myself that I hadn't realized before, can we not talk about it."

Booster licked Ted's lips and dipped his tongue into the man's mouth. "Sure," he whispered. "No talking, just flying."

Smiling, Ted tightened his grip around him and kissed him back.

---------------

Barbara stared at Bug. Bug stared back.

"I don't know how much help it would be," she said slowly. "But I can direct you to some parenting websites. I'm afraid I really don't have much experience with this kind of thing."

Bug cocked her head. "Momma bird?"

Startled, Barbara asked, "What?"

"You? I...misunderstood? Oracle advises. And. Watches over?"

"I...suppose," Barbara admitted.

Bug smiled. "Momma bird...watching the flock. Protecting...the nest."

Barbara shook her head and smiled wryly. "I can't say I've ever heard it described quite like that, but I guess you could." Leaning forward, she steepled her hands. "But all I can really tell you is that...most parents have trouble relating to their kids. Your case is a little more unique, but...I wouldn't worry about it. Just do your best, run Love Max Protocol as best you can, and...look me up if you need someone to talk to."

Beaming, Bug nodded. "Thank you...Oracle. I will. I must...go now."

"Where _are_ you?" Barbara asked, suddenly curious.

"We are...flying." Bug motioned upward with one hand, tilting her head to look at something Barbara couldn't see. "Have you...ever flown. Oracle?"

"I used to," Barbara said wistfully.

"It is...the _best_ way to travel."

"It is."

"One day...we should fly together. Again."

"I'd like that."

"As would...I." Bug straightened. "Goodbye...Oracle."

Barbara smiled. "Bye, Bug."

"Returning to protocol: Honeymoon." Like a cheshire cat, Bug's grin was the last thing to fade from sight.

Shaking her head, Barbara sat for a moment longer, smiling at where the AI woman had been.

In her mind's eye, memories of flying by zip line through the Gotham night flashed by.

-----

(You get a cookie if you can find the obscure reference to JLU episode _The Greatest Story Never Told_.)


End file.
